This post has already been read 1240 times!
Even if You Feel Shyness or Socially Awkward for Making Friends
Are you Shyness and self-conscious in social situations?
Do you feel out-of-the-way and without a friend in the world but unsure how to connect with others? It may feel like you’re the only one, but the truth is that lots of people struggle with introversion and social lack of confidence No matter how tongue-tied or uneasy you feel in the company of others, you can learn to quiet self-critical thoughts, make better your self-esteem, and become more convinced and safe and sound in your interactions with others. You don’t have to adjust your individuality by simply learning new skills and adopting a different attitude you can triumph over your fears and build gratifying and satisfying friendships.
What you can do
If you don’t be acquainted with outcomes so take granted only for the best rather than the worst
Remember, your imperfections and oddity can be charming
- Dare to laugh at yourself
- give the impression at the people you are talking to
- pay attention to what others say, even if you don’t be of the same mind
- Don’t live in with rejection, but gain knowledge from the experience
You have to help yourself for dealing with shyness and loneliness?
As humans, we’re inescapable to be social creatures. Having friends makes us happier and healthier—in fact, being socially connected is primary key to our intellectual and emotional health. Yet many of us are reserved and socially introverted. We feel awkward around unknown people, unconvinced of what to say, or worried about what others might think of us. This can cause us to keep away from social situations, cut ourselves off from others, and gradually become inaccessible and feeling alone.
Loneliness is a common problem among people of all ages and backgrounds but specially in millennial, and yet it’s something that most of us are cautious to admit to. It makes us feel on the blink somehow. But loneliness is nothing to feel embarrassed. Sometimes, it’s an outcome of external circumstances: But what if you’re struggling with introversion and social insecurity, or a long-standing difficulty making friends? The fact is that none of us has natural social skills. They’re things we learn over time—and the good news is that you can learn them, too. Whatever your age or situation, you can learn to overcome shyness or social awkwardness, send away loneliness, and enjoy well-built, satisfying friendships.
Is shyness and insecurity a problem for you?
- Are you scared of looking dim-witted in social situations?
- Do you have a lot worry about what others think of you?
- Do you frequently keep away from social situations or call off at the last minute?
- Do other people show to have a lot entertaining than you do in social situations?
- Do you think it’s your mistake when someone discards you or seems impassive
- Is it tough for you to come within reach of people or adhere in their conversations?
- After spending time with others, do you tend to settle on and pass judgment on your “performance”?
- Do you often think awful about yourself after socializing?
If you answered “yes” to these questions, this article can help.
Tackling social insecurity and fear, when it comes in the direction of nervousness and social clumsiness, the things we enlighten ourselves make a huge difference. Here are some common thinking patterns that undermine self-assurance and fuel social insecurity:
- Believing that you’re unexciting unlikeable, or odd
- Believing that other people are estimating and judging you in social situations.
- Believing that you’ll be discarded and criticized if you make a social slip-up
- Believing that being rejected or socially embarrassed would be dreadful and shocking
- Believing that what others imagine about you describe who you are.
If you believe these things, it’s no wonder social situations seem horrifying! But the reality is never pretty so black-and-white.
- People aren’t judging about you—at least not to the degree that you think. Most people are trapped in their own lives and concerns. Just like you’re thinking about yourself and your own social concerns, other people are thinking about themselves. They don’t have free time for judging you. So stop wasting time on what others think of you.
- Many other people experience just as self-conscious and nervous as you do.When you’re socially restless it can seem that everyone else is an extrovert overflowing with self-confidence. But that’s not the truth. Some people are better at hiding it than others, but there are many introverted people out there struggling with the same self-doubts as you are. The next person you speak to is just as likely to be worried about what you think of them!
- People are much more open-minded than you think. So what about the awkwardness in the moment when you say or do the erroneous thing? In your mind, the very idea is horrifying. You’re sure that everyone will whisper about it and judge you. But in reality, it’s very unlikely that people are going to make a big deal over a social faux pas. Everyone has done it at some point. Most people will just ignore it and move on. When you realize that social mistakes don’t have to be devastating, it’s a lot easier to put yourself out there.
Learning on the road of knowing yourself
When you start realizing that people are NOT scrutinizing and judging your every word and deed, you’ll automatically feel less nervous socially. But that still leaves the way you feel about yourself. All too often, we’re our own worst critics. We’re hard on ourselves in a way we’d never be to strangers—let alone the people we care about.
Changing your self-image for the better isn’t something you can do overnight. Learning to accept yourself requires changing your thinking.
You don’t have to be perfect to be liked. In fact, our imperfections and quirks can be endearing. Even our weaknesses can bring us closer to others. When someone is honest and open about their vulnerabilities, it’s a bonding experience—especially if they’re able to laugh at themselves. If you can cheerfully accept your awkwardness and imperfections, you’ll likely find that others will, too. They may even like you better for it!
It’s okay to make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. It’s part of being human. So give yourself a break when you mess up. It doesn’t mean you’re useless. Your value doesn’t come from being perfect. If you find self-compassion difficult, try to look at your own mistakes as you would those of a friend. What would you tell your friend? Now follow your own advice.
Your negative self-evaluations don’t necessarily replicate realism. In fact, they probably don’t, especially if you 1) call yourself names, such as “pathetic,” “worthless,” “stupid,” etc., 2) beat yourself up with all the things you “should” or “shouldn’t” have done, or 3) make sweeping generalizations based on a specific event. For example, if something didn’t go as planned, you tell yourself that you’ll never get things right, you’re a failure, or you always screw up.
When you catch yourself thinking such distorted thoughts, it’s important to pause and consciously challenge them. Pretend you’re an impartial third-party observer, and then ask yourself if there are other ways of viewing the situation.
Building social skills one step at a time
Once you get past your shyness and adopt a more self-accepting mindset, you may find that you do just fine in social situations. But if you still have trouble making conversation and navigating socially, you’ll need to work on your social skills.
Civilizing with social skills requires practice. Just as you wouldn’t expect to become good on the guitar without a number of efforts, don’t expect to become comfortable socially without putting in the time. Take baby steps towards being more social, and then build on those successes.
Smile at someone you pass on the street.
Compliment someone you encounter during your day.
Start a friendly conversation with our helping hands like cashier, receptionist, waiter, hostess, or salesperson.
Small friendly interactions such as these can be very positive and confidence building. And if certain interactions end up feeling a little awkward, there’s not a lot at stake.
How to face your biggest social fears
Some social fears are fairly minor, and you can get used to them pretty quickly. But for more intense social fears, you’ll need a more detailed—and gradual—plan of attack. When it comes to the things that really scare us, you don’t want to just jump right in before you’re ready. That’s like diving into the deep end before you’ve learned to dog paddle.
What you want to do is face your fears in a gradual yet systematic way, starting with situations that are slightly stressful and building up to more anxiety-provoking situations. Think of it as a stepladder, with each rung a little more stressful than the last. Don’t move on to the next step until you’ve had a positive experience with the step before. For example, if talking to new people at parties makes you extremely anxious, here is a stepladder you could use:
- Go to a party and smile at a few people.
- Go to a party and ask a simple question (e.g. “Do you know what time it is?”). Once they’ve answered, politely thank them and then excuse you. The key is to make the interaction short and sweet.
- Ask a friend to initiate you to someone at the party and help facilitate a short conversation.
- Pick and choose someone at the party who seems responsive and approachable. Introduce yourself.
Identify a non-intimidating group of people at the party and approach them. You don’t need to make a big entrance. Just join the group and listen to the conversation. Make a comment or two if you’d like, but don’t put too much pressure on yourself.
Join another friendly, approachable group. This time, try to participate a bit more in the conversation.
More tips for developing social confidence
Fake it ‘til you make it. People will act in response more optimistically to you when you project confidence. What’s more, just acting as if you’re confident can make you feel more convinced.
Focus externally, not internally. People who lack social self-belief tend to be in their heads when interacting with others, thinking about how they’re coming across or upsetting about what they’re going to say. Make an effort to switch your focus from yourself to the other person. You’ll be more in the moment, plus you’ll experience a reduction of self-conscious.
Laugh at yourself. When you do something embarrassing or make a mess of a situation, humour can help you put things in perception Laugh, learn, and go on.
Do things to help others. Go out of your way to help someone or make brighter another person’s day. It can be something as small as an admiring comment or smile. When you widen positivity, you’ll feel well again about yourself.
Tips for making conversation
Some people seem to instinctively be familiar with how to start a conversation with anyone, in any place, be it a party, bar, health club, the checkout line, a crowded elevator, or on public transport. If you’re not one of these blessed types, don’t gloom.
Here are some trouble-free ways to fit into place of conversation with someone new
- Remark on the surroundings or occasion. If you’re at a party, for example, you could comment on the venue, the catering, or the music in a positive way. “I love this song,” “The food’s great. Have you tried the chicken?” or “That’s a great view.”
- Ask an open-ended question, one that requires more than just a yes or no answer. Adhere to the journalist’s credo and ask a question that begins with one of the 5 W’s (or 1 H): who, where, when, what, why, or how. For example, “Who do you know here?” “Where do you normally go on a Friday?” “When did you move here?” “What keeps you busy?” “Why did you decide to become a vegetarian?” “How is the wine?” Most people enjoy talking about themselves so asking a question is a good way to get a conversation started.
- Use a compliment. For example, “I really like your purse, can I ask where you got it?” or “You look like you’ve done this before, can you tell where I have to sign in?”
- Note anything you have in common and ask a follow up question. “I play golf as well, what’s your favorite local course?” “My daughter went to that school, too, how does your son like it?”
- Keeps the conversation going with small talk. Don’t say something that’s obviously provocative and avoid heavy subjects such as politics or religion. Stick to light subjects like the weather, surroundings, and anything you have in common such as school, movies, or sports teams.
- Pay attention effectively. Listening is not the same as waiting for your turn to talk. You can’t concentrate on what someone’s saying if you’re forming what you’re going to say next. One of the keys to effective communication in any situation is to focus fully on the speaker and show interest in what’s being said. Nod occasionally, smile at the person, and make sure your posture is open and inviting. Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal cues like “yes” or “uh huh.”
What to do when social situations tire you out
If you want your communication with others to be focused, emotionally satisfying and supportive, then first of all boost your confidence yourself and try to initiate with great enthusiasm.
There’s a common misconception that introverts aren’t social. In fact, introverts can be just as social as extroverts. The difference between the two is that introverts lose energy when they’re around people and recharge by spending time alone, while extroverts gain energy by spending time with other people.
What this means is that even socially confident introverts will feel drained when they don’t have enough alone time. For introverts, it’s normal to get tired after a lot of socializing. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you or you’re incapable of having a fulfilling social life. You just need to understand your limits and plan accordingly.
Don’t over commit. You know yourself and your social limits better than anyone. Whatever that limits is, plan around it. It’s okay to turn down social invitations because you need a break. And be sure to schedule the downtime you need after socializing. For example, after a fun Saturday out with friends, you may need to spend all of Sunday alone to rest and recharge.
Take mini-breaks. There will be times when you’re feeling drained, but you don’t have the luxury of leaving the situation for extended alone time. Maybe you’re at a busy work convention, you’re on a getaway with friends, or you’re visiting family for the holidays. In these types of potentially draining circumstances, even short breaks can help you recharge. Try to find time to slip away to a quiet corner when it wouldn’t be seen as rude. Even 10 or 15 minutes here and there can make a big difference.
Talk to your family and friends about your alone-time needs. Be up front about the fact that socializing drains you. It’s nothing to be ashamed about, and trying to hide it will only add to your social exhaustion. Good friends will be sympathetic and willing to accommodate your needs.
Dealing stylishly with social setback and negative response
As you put yourself out there socially, there will be times when you feel judged or rejected. Maybe you reached out to someone, but they didn’t seem interested in having a conversation or starting a friendship.
There’s no question: rejection feels bad. But the important thing to remember is that it’s part of life. Not everyone you approach will be receptive to starting a conversation, let alone becoming friends. Just like dating, meeting new people inevitably comes with some element of rejection. The following tips will help you have an easier time with social setbacks:
Try not to take things too personally. It’s hard not to take rejection personally, but social interactions don’t happen in a vacuum. The other person may be having a bad day, distracted by other problems, or just not be in a talkative mood. Always remember that rejection has just as much to do with the other person as it does you.
Keep things in perspective. No one likes being rejected, but it doesn’t have to devastate you. Remember that someone else’s opinion doesn’t define you, and it doesn’t mean that no one else will be interested in being your friend. Learn from the experience and try again.
Don’t settle with mistakes. Even if you said something you regret, for example, it’s unlikely that the other person will remember it after a short time. Stay positive; refrain from labeling yourself a failure, or from telling yourself that you’ll never be able to make friends.
HAVE A HAPPY SOCIAL LIFE